Boaty Boats

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(Talking about how film companies often devolve into bad sequels)
Alan: Inside Out was pretty good though. Or so I hear.
Greg: But that wasn’t a sequel.
Alan: Right. So Pixar can still make good original stuff.
Greg: But the other half is stuff like “Tugboats 4: Return of Eeeeeeeee-youuuuuuuu”

Keithpipes

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Greg: Keeeeeeeeeeee
Alan (joining in): eeeeeeee
Ian (joining in): eeeeeeeee
All: eeeeeeeeth
Greg: We sound like bagpipes.
Ian: Keithpipes!
Ian: Keithpipes are when you take out Keith’s stomach and turn it into a musical instrument.
Keith: No. Don’t do this.

Poo Groom

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Alan: lol
Alan: i dont know what a bachelor’s party involves anyway
Zeke: I guess I did one for a friend in Arizona
Zeke: We just stayed up all night in the desert though
Zeke: And ate the groom
Alan: um
Alan: wat
Zeke: The bride couldn’t marry him until we pooped him out again
Zeke: That’s legal in Arizona though because it was a man poo
Alan: -_-
Alan: if the bride ate him would it still be a man poo?
Alan: does the gender follow the consumee or the consumer?
Zeke: Well, you are what you eat
Zeke: So I think she becomes male
Zeke: And then she can’t gay marry her man poo groom

Womb

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Madelyn: I only get four years of waved tuition.
Michael: “Only”?! I want four years of waved tuition.
Emily: You should have come out of a professor’s womb, Michael.
Alan: Isn’t Madelyn’s dad the professor?
Emily: You should have come out of a womb that married a professor.

Happy

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(Discussing health care and how it’s “socialist”)
Alan: But what about fire and police services? Why are those okay?
Anna: There’s no logic behind it. It’s like, “I’ve been told this is a bad thing, and I don’t want to be like the other countries that are happier.”

Puppy

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Alan: Mars, are you getting married yet?
Mars: Puppy first
Al-Tim: What you need is an illegitimate puppy so you have to hide it and hurry up and get married.
Ian: What’s this?
Al-Tim: It’s kind of hush hush. If people knew they had a puppy it could ruin them.