Meg (while playing Scrabble): What’s a ‘hens?’
David: I’m not white, I’m PIGMENTALLY CHALLENGED!
Amanda: Oh Alan! Your hands are so strong!
Patrick: Oh Alan! You’ve got such strong hands! C’mere baby.
Patrick: I should sit on the curb and stick my legs out when cars go by.
Alan: I wonder if I can snort popcorn…
Alan: …. I think I really did.
Alan: Ack, it’s stuck up there.
Vicki: THIS is your gifted student who scored a 35 on the ACT and your National Merit Finalist, everyone.
Alan: Wheee look, the popcorn bounces when I do this!
Random guy: Smoke weed!
David: Pot is cheaper!
Patrick: Aren’t pot and weed the same thing?
Patrick: Look! The cops told them to turn their music down and they did!
Patrick: He just stuck his finger out like this and they turned their music down!
Patrick: I want to do that!
Vicki: We’ll come to Mills one day and find Pat sticking his finger out like that and getting strange looks.
Jennie: I can make it look like I have a third nipple!
Patrick (while watching people play PPA TCG): Oohhh! You have enough to use me!
Adra: That sounds so wrong.
Patrick: C’mere and use me, baby!
*Patrick licks finger and jabs it at Amanda*
Amanda: Ewwww! Pat, that’s unsanitary!
Patrick: No, if I stuck my finger up my ass, THAT would be unsanitary.
Amanda: Yes. Spit is fine compared to that.
Vicki: Isn’t that kinda hard, Pat?
Patrick: No! How would I wipe myself after I take a shit if it was hard?
Vicki: That explains a lot…
Patrick: What? I don’t go walking around with a crusty ass, do I?