Author Archives: Alan V

Soooo

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SoAL Gilder: sooo
dignifiediscord: sooooooooooooooooo
dignifiediscord: soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
dignifiediscord: so
dignifiediscord: so?
dignifiediscord: so.
dignifiediscord: so!
dignifiediscord: it IS so!
dignifiediscord: so…
dignifiediscord: so; so.
dignifiediscord: so, so, and so
dignifiediscord: so – so
dignifiediscord: “so”
SoAL Gilder: hahaha
dignifiediscord: so’s
dignifiediscord: so: so!
SoAL Gilder: so quoted
dignifiediscord: so@so.com
dignifiediscord: $so
dignifiediscord: so%
dignifiediscord: so^2
dignifiediscord: (so)
dignifiediscord: so*
dignifiediscord: so&so

Random

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conformistnon: yo yo yo como como nada!
conformistnon: yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me
conformistnon: yo yo wut wut
conformistnon: yo yo ma
conformistnon: yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????
conformistnon: ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo????????? ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????
conformistnon: ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo?????????
conformistnon: wowwwwwwwwwww
conformistnon: hyper
conformistnon: more like
conformistnon: mood swing
SoAL Gilder: you’re crazy
conformistnon: you should hear me right now
conformistnon: ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómooooooooooo?????????
conformistnon: yeah
conformistnon: sleepy + crazy baby
conformistnon: sleepy + crazy + awesome + ¿¿¿¿¿¿¿cómo????????? = janel
conformistnon: blah
conformistnon: i’ma go sleep now
SoAL Gilder: kkk
SoAL Gilder: bye
conformistnon: hoo-rah for the kkk
conformistnon: … except not really

Rain

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SoAL Gilder: unless it rained soap 😛
castironfeather: haha
castironfeather: rained soap
SoAL Gilder: you never know
castironfeather: natural phenomenon
SoAL Gilder: it rains acid!
SoAL Gilder: it could rain soap!
castironfeather: lol
castironfeather: sureee
SoAL Gilder: 🙂
castironfeather: whatever you say
SoAL Gilder: ill go dump soap in the coulds
SoAL Gilder: clouds
SoAL Gilder: with my airplane
SoAL Gilder: and then itll rain soapy water
castironfeather: ah… that’ll work well..
SoAL Gilder: 😀
SoAL Gilder: actually then it’d just rain soap bars
SoAL Gilder: or liquid soap
SoAL Gilder: depending on which i se
SoAL Gilder: *use
SoAL Gilder: since clouds have no mass
SoAL Gilder: 😀
castironfeather: nice to know…
SoAL Gilder: lol
SoAL Gilder: tomorrows forecast-thunderstorms with a chance of lever 2000
castironfeather: lmao…
castironfeather: today, local boy knocked out by raining bar of soap..
SoAL Gilder: 😀
SoAL Gilder: “it came out of nowhere!” he is quoted as saying as he was wheeled onto the ambulence
castironfeather: lol
SoAL Gilder: “it’s a miracle!”
SoAL Gilder: indeed, the nation’s poor are finding reason to celebrate
castironfeather: lmao..
SoAL Gilder: as it rained pork chops over the city of tempe today
castironfeather: hahaha
SoAL Gilder: back to you, jane

Stench

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J5261988: My dog is producing smells that I did not think a mortal creature was capable of excreting. Indeed, he has a partially or cmopletely immortal set of intestines that he is unsing for the sole purpose of gassing me to death. Indeed, even now, he is farting, loudly farting, just feet from where I sit now. What horrible fate, what horiible line of events could lead me to this mephitical end? I ask you this, as my last moments come and the all enveloping green gas surrounds me…Why was I chosen…to won this dog…*cough cough* and lead it through its life twisting and defiling its intestines to the very point where they were capable of killing me, and then *cough cough*, finally feeding him the last sourdough chili cheese jack in the box burger? So here I lay, the fog of death in my eyes, the stench of sourdough dog farts in my nose, and I bed thee world, faresmell.
J5261988: *yawns*
J5261988: I didnt know that was going to be that long. I was just writing what I though (very disturbing) and this came out.
J5261988: I set the standard for stench.
SoAL Gilder: …
SoAL Gilder: im sure
J5261988: I was going to say this little thing about haw I was the sultan of stench… the king of …. But i was way too lazy. Rest assured, it would have been quite witty.
SoAL Gilder: ….
J5261988: and funny.
J5261988: You can laugh now.
SoAL Gilder: …
J5261988: and stop now.
J5261988: very good.

Bring it

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Homie Jain: yup…we got the act down…all we need now is old people’s running suits..maybe a cane..and some dentures
Homie Jain: and we’re ready
volleychic303: hahaha
volleychic303: dentures?
volleychic303: i dont know what YOURE talkin about, i’m not the one who needs dentures!
volleychic303: thats YOU!
Homie Jain: lol sure you do
Homie Jain: those teeth are coming off one way or another *shakes fist*
volleychic303: hahaha
volleychic303: oh!
volleychic303: you picking a fight with me now, girl?/
volleychic303: oh, bring it!
Homie Jain: IT’S ALREADY BEEN BROUGHTEN
Homie Jain: BACK UP!!
Homie Jain: you can’t beat da masta
Homie Jain: i’ll pop one in yours before you can realize who you’re dealin’ with
volleychic303: oh yeah?
volleychic303: Huh?
Homie Jain: i’m the mad hata from the street of compton
volleychic303: you forgot who i was back in the day!
Homie Jain: me and my homie crew will beat you down!!
Homie Jain: you were nothing back in the day! you was some mad crazy foo’ who thought they could make it out on the streets
volleychic303: yeah? huh?
volleychic303: youre memory’s failing!
volleychic303: im not the one with the bad memory!
volleychic303: YOU ARE
volleychic303: AND DONT YOU FORGET IT
Homie Jain: my memory’s as good as ever!! you wanna mess with me?!!?
volleychic303: heck yea!
volleychic303: bring it on, old one!
Homie Jain: you wanna mess with THE gangsta back in mah days…ooo..you watch yo’ back
volleychic303: youre just a pile of skin!
volleychic303: youre just a sack of ORGANS AND TISSUE!
Homie Jain: as much a pile of skin as you are!!
Homie Jain: look at you trying to be all cool with your heavy gangsta clothes..so old..you can’t even carry them!
volleychic303: oh yeah? well im not the one who needs DENTURES!
volleychic303: you cant even hold TEETH in YOUR mouth, i dont know what youre talkin bout girl
Homie Jain: you will when i’m through wid you
Homie Jain: oh you better be ready
Homie Jain: 3 o’clock tomorrow..meet me at the corner of the street
volleychic303: oh yeah? im not the one who needs to make sure she has her DIAPERS in her PANTS because her bladder’s failing!
Homie Jain: have your crew ready
volleychic303: how’re you even sposed to WALK to the corner??!
volleychic303: you need for CANE!
volleychic303: HA!
Homie Jain: ooo you watch your mouth little girl..i can beat yo’ a** any day!!
Homie Jain: and if ic an’t! my crew of young people sure can!!
volleychic303: oh yeah? well, at least i GOT one, miss i had to get surgery on my butt cause it got too big and there was a tumor!
volleychic303: psh, what young ppl, we hate them all, remember?
Homie Jain: nasty a** fool aren’t ya?
volleychic303: anyways, at least i got some
volleychic303: at least i got a HUSBAND
volleychic303: you couldnt even git one
Homie Jain: an invisible one!!
volleychic303: everyones so afraid of your TEETH
Homie Jain: cause i’m independent!!
Homie Jain: i dont’ need no man to take care of me!
volleychic303: your teeth are independent? heck, thats right, theyre so independent that they keep comin out of your mouth!
Homie Jain: i be fine up in dis joint with out some crazy fool trying to boss me around
volleychic303: theyre about to start a revolution in that little hole in your face!
Homie Jain: this whole in my face can chew you down!!!
Homie Jain: that’s right..i’m white!!
volleychic303: with what?
volleychic303: your GUMS?
volleychic303: YOU GOT GINGIVITIS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Homie Jain: don’t underestimate the gums baby
Homie Jain: i got gingivitis coming out the yinyang that can kill you anyday!
volleychic303: theyre MUSH for heavens sake!
Homie Jain: mush in your world..poison for you in mine
Homie Jain: BWAHAHAHA
volleychic303: hecK! you cant even GIT your gums on my flesh!
volleychic303: you cant even MOVE~!
volleychic303: CAUSE OF YOUR CHRONIC ARTHRITIS!
Homie Jain: i’m sorry..you must have mistaken that for your old bones!!
Homie Jain: look at you!!
Homie Jain: you’re going to break if you move
Homie Jain: !!
volleychic303: well,at least i GOT bones!
Homie Jain: but you ain’t got a spine
Homie Jain: OOOO DIS!!
volleychic303: im not the one who needs a BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT!
Homie Jain: whatcha gonna do about it!?
volleychic303: well, at least i got BONES
volleychic303: all yous got is organs and tissue
Homie Jain: which you don’t have’
volleychic303: well, at least bones are HARD

Random

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volleychic303: booya
conformistnon: heya heya
volleychic303: huzza huzza
conformistnon: chumbawamba
volleychic303: ai carrumba!
conformistnon: chimichanga!
volleychic303: la bamba bamba
conformistnon: free willy
volleychic303: SAVE THE SHIRE!
conformistnon: release the enslaved cambodian deermice!
volleychic303: give saucy canards a second chance
conformistnon: donate to the aluminum sphere foundation of missouri
volleychic303: remember to get the sauce slathering machine patented
conformistnon: think charitable thoughts about other people’s pet problems
volleychic303: convince the soft-shelled snail to move into a bigger, better house
conformistnon: respect goes out to the most frumptious of the libertinian rat-chickens
volleychic303: Sicilian sweat shops must be shut down due to an unexpected outbreak of the measles (oh, those measles!)
conformistnon: attempts to recall any instance relating to the Event of Seventy-Six shall be punishable by jelly
volleychic303: the amanda must exit the vicinity of the study to dawdle to her room for a rest of the brain
volleychic303: awfiederzein, the amanda calls
conformistnon: the janellian eyelids are rebelling and falling to the floor, even as her hand waves in a goodbye motion
volleychic303: the amanda clicks on the upper right hand corner of the aim window, battling poop up ads right and left
volleychic303: ***POP
volleychic303: **POP
conformistnon: the esophagus becomes sore from laughing too hard at the silly typo
volleychic303: the amanda blushes profusely
conformistnon: shoo! shoo! the battalions cry. for there is work to be done!
volleychic303: the amanda uses her last bit of strength to type in “bye, adios”
conformistnon: adieu, adieu, for parting is such sweet sorrow
volleychic303: *dies*
volleychic303 signed off at 10-30-26 PM.

Cases

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TYteStuff1126: Two surfers went to court after one allegedly stole the other surfer’s wave. The case was dismissed after court officials found it impossible to put a monetary value on the wave.
SoAL Gilder: heh
TYteStuff1126: A man riding his bike home from work at night with no lights, only reflectors, was hit by a Jeep after the driver ran a stop sign. The bicyclist sued the bike manufacturer because he was not warned that reflectors might not be enough to prevent an accident. The man was awarded $6 million.
SoAL Gilder: these are weird
TYteStuff1126: A Texan woman was awarded $780,000 after she sued a furniture store. She sued because she tripped and fell over a child running amok in the store. Surprisingly, she won the case, even though the child was her own.
TYteStuff1126: A man is suing a bank that he attempted to rob. After employees of the bank realized he was deaf, they were able to talk during the attempted robbery, which made it easy for them to stall the would-be robber until police arrived. The failed bank robber is suing the bank for discrimination.
TYteStuff1126: A California woman sued a grocery store after she dropped a six-pack of beer on her feet. The woman was not injured, but she said that it hurt. She won the lawsuit.
SoAL Gilder: heh
SoAL Gilder: these are great
TYteStuff1126: “One day a lady who worked at the boat docks in Boston brought home a stray dog. The next day, when she arrived hjom from work she found that it had killed and eaten her car. When she took the dog into the vet to have it put down, she was told that it really wasn’t a dog, but a 40-pound Cambodian rat that had come into the country on one of the ships
TYteStuff1126: A sheriff was passing a farm one day when he saw a man standing on the side of the road yelling “Pig Pig Pig!” the cope was very angry and yelled back “Redneck Redneck Redneck!” seconds later the cop ran right into the rednecks prized pig
SoAL Gilder: O.o
SoAL Gilder: poor person

Haiku

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ShadowHdghog: lol tell me, why you are just right now mad. I so want to know
conformistnon: cause i accidently shut down my new quiz-in-progress in notepad without saving one iota of it
ShadowHdghog: that is not haiku! you have to talk in poem! otherwise no fun!
conformistnon: i had a mistake
hey, makes me really pissed off
shut down my notepad
ShadowHdghog: lol you good. are not haiku just real fun? I send to miss o
conformistnon: ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
ShadowHdghog: want to see the ones, Janet and I have made up? they are really weird
conformistnon: if you want, I look
I dont really care too much
either way is fine
*** conformistnon has received reallyfunhaiku.txt.
conformistnon: why did you not just
direct connect? it would be
much much eaiser
ShadowHdghog: that is not haiku! no fun no fun no no fun! come on don’t you cheat
conformistnon: oh come now now now
it was just fine i should say
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
ShadowHdghog: lol you fun
ShadowHdghog: fun funny that really is
ShadowHdghog: haiku are so great
conformistnon: brb brb brb brb brb
conformistnon: brb brb brb brb brb brb brb
conformistnon: brb brb brb brb brb

Bathroom

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SoAL Gilder: I really need to change that away message 😛
TYteStuff1126: why?
SoAL Gilder: I’m in the bathroom….I could just be peeing…I had a lot to drink today. At least I’m not a cat. Their urine is so concentrated it smells really bad. Can’t you just smell that right now? Or maybe I’m on the toilet…Making poop…it’s all brown and stuff…or is it green? Maybe it’s diarrhea and it’s all liquidy. Whatever it is it smells really bad…At least I’m not a dog. Dogs lick their butts. Wonder what it tastes like? Oh never mind. Hey, it’s your fault for IMing me when there’s that little away message by my name!
SoAL Gilder: there we go
SoAL Gilder: all done
TYteStuff1126: I am in the bathroom, or is it my car?…i could be shitting, peeing, or well…if it’s my car i’d be having sex and something else besides pee would be exiting my penile tube…but lets not go that far, back to pee and shit…yeah both are green both are brown but when they’re black you should go to the doc…red isn’t good either. you should pee quite often because it releases wastes and amonia that is built up and has been filtered through your liver…and people eat live…well, chicken and pork liver…hell, I even eat liver…it tastes good…idk why, maybe that’s why there are parasites and worms crawling out of my ass and all over my shit…but that’s just too far, anyways peeing…everybody pees, everybody poops, everybody sees my poo!..yeah it’s shiney, sometimes it’s really liquidy and blurbles out of my asshole, but hey…it’s gotta have some chunks or it wouldn’t be shit…it would be like a girl, pissing out your asshole, well hey, you’re either puking (another story) or have said i’m perverted right now…leave a message and when i’m done with whatever i’m doing i might IM you back
SoAL Gilder: OMG
SoAL Gilder: use that as your away message!
TYteStuff1126: lol
SoAL Gilder: no seriously

Hyper

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SoAL Gilder: aukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkky
SoAL Gilder: shat
SoAL Gilder: … wait that sounds wrong
SoAL Gilder: aukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyshat
SoAL Gilder: …
tnt3point14159: hehehe
tnt3point14159: ‘sup
SoAL Gilder: aukshatyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
SoAL Gilder: …
tnt3point14159: hyper….eh?
SoAL Gilder: WHY DID PEOPLE EVER TELL ME SHAT WAS THE PAST TENSE OF SHIT
SoAL Gilder: -_-
SoAL Gilder: *dies*
SoAL Gilder: meh
tnt3point14159: heh
SoAL Gilder: whee
tnt3point14159: yup….hyper
SoAL Gilder: ive bene hyper since getting back
SoAL Gilder: i r teh ba34k
SoAL Gilder: mwahahaha
SoAL Gilder: dunno
tnt3point14159: LOL
SoAL Gilder: me gots teh jet lg
SoAL Gilder: check j00 email
SoAL Gilder: reply reply f00
tnt3point14159: oh yeah
SoAL Gilder: i r teh w1nn4rrrr
SoAL Gilder: r
SoAL Gilder: r
tnt3point14159: lol
tnt3point14159: ok
SoAL Gilder: yus
SoAL Gilder: do do do do do do do do
SoAL Gilder: look in jaws
SoAL Gilder: *im jaws
SoAL Gilder: do do do do do do do do
SoAL Gilder: i have jaws
SoAL Gilder: do you hav ejaws?
SoAL Gilder: i think everyone has jaws
SoAL Gilder: JAWSSSSSSSSS
tnt3point14159: wow
tnt3point14159: dude
tnt3point14159: chill
SoAL Gilder: me need help
SoAL Gilder: 🙁