(Playing Settlers)

Ben: Hey wheat baronness. I want a wheat. I’m prepared to pay handsomely for it.
Simiao: What?
Ben: A brick.
Ben: Oh, never mind. I don’t want your stupid wheat.

Ben: Wheat baroness, I need a wheat.
Simiao: For what?
Ben: Your wish is my command.
Simiao: A rock.
Ben: I can almost do that. I can almost do that.



(Talking about moving beds up the tiny staircase.)
Ben: We had to cut her boxspring in half.
Jon: You braced it, right?
Ben: I used a hinge.
Jon: Did you use two hinges?
Ben: I used a hinge. She hasn’t fallen through her bed yet.



(In a discussion about exotic diseases, leading to diseases from Europa.)
Sergio: It’d be cool to have life in our solar system.
Jon: Even if it’s microbial?
Ben: Now you can get space herpes!
Jon: We’ll call it sperpes.

Top pot


nukeade: Have you ever had a Top Pot?
nukeade: They’re outrageous.
nukeade: They’re not really toroidal like normal doughnuts.
nukeade: They’re more like a square cross section loop.
nukeade: God, just thinking about them makes me want a Top Pot.
Alan V: they should make marijuana versions
Alan V: they can be Top Pot Top Pots
nukeade: Plus, it remains a palindrome.
Alan V: assuming they use the highest-quality marijuana
nukeade: If they also use the top pot on the shelf to make it, then it’s a Top pot top pot top pot.
nukeade: Though, now I’m just being silly… I should probably s top it.

Nose job


nukeade: HAHAHAHHA “what a nose job feels like”? I’ve heard about boobjobs, and handjobs, and blowjobs, and footjobs… but a nose job? That sounds nasty.
nukeade: I want to fuck a girl in the nose now.
nukeade: Double penetration!!!



Alan: *makes a mental note to not touch your table or desk with bare hands*
nukeade: Well, not this desk. My computer is here. My one at school.
nukeade: I don’t want a girl to get my data wet.
nukeade: I’d be like, “Bitch, that had better be fluorinert you’re secreting.”
nukeade: That’s right. And if there was a girl who secreted fluorinert, I’d turn her on and submerge a computer in her fluids.
nukeade: Then dump her, because I bet it doesn’t taste very good.