We recently had a trip to the UK, brought back a ton of biscuits, and had friends over for a biscuit taste-off. Here are the results.

(Not everyone tried everything, some people had ties for favorites within a category, and some people didn’t vote for an overall favorite, so numbers in each category won’t always add up to the same total.)

Biscuits

Overall Favorites:
Sainsbury Custard Cream – 1
Waitrose Custard Cream – 0
Marks & Spencer Custard Cream – 3
Sainsbury Bourbon Cream – 3
Tesco Bourbon Cream – 1
Marks & Spencer Bourbon Cream – 4
Tesco Malted Milk – 0
Marks & Spencer Malted Milk – 1

Favorites By Category:
Custard Cream:
Sainsbury – 8
Waitrose – 3
Marks & Spencer – 6
Bourbon Cream:
Sainsbury – 4
Tesco – 3
Marks & Spencer – 8
Malted Milk
Tesco – 6
Marks & Spencer – 5

(The malted milks, in particular, were polarizing. People who liked the malt flavor strongly preferred Marks & Spencer, people who didn’t strongly preferred Tesco, and most people found the malted milks to be their least favorite category of the three.)

Decaf Black Teas

Iced versus hot didn’t seem to make a difference.

Overall Favorites:
Tesco – 0
Waitrose – 4
Marks & Spencer – 2

Individual Item Comments

Sainsbury Custard Cream
“Very nice – crunchy + sharp”
“Dry”
“Tastes like circus animals (vanilla-heavy). Vaguely dusty?”
“Lemony”
“Flavorful cream & cookie”
“Crispy, quite nice, good egg flavor”
“Milk, inoffensive”
“Crispy, good cream flavor”
“Like a subpar crumbly Vienna finger. The most lemony.”
“Biscuit disconnects from cookie. A little bit of vanilla + …something else? Not as much of a fan.”
“Filling leaves horrid taste in my mouth. Overly lemony.”
“It feels middling in every way except for the weird tasting custard.”

Waitrose Custard Cream
“Surprisingly much cream”
“Too sweet”
“Simplest flavor, sweetest”
“Fairly bland”
“Less flavor than Sainsbury. Neither cookie nor cream has much flavor.”
“Good flavor but mushy & dry”
“More custard”
“Less sweet, kind of like an animal cracker + cream”
“More generous with cream than the Sainsbury, and less lemony.”
“A crumblier cookie after bite, but stays together better mid-bite. Fluffier than Sainsbury.”
“Yummm… such fluffy cream! No bad aftertaste.”
“Nice, light, fluffy, and a nice flavour.”

Marks & Spencer Custard Cream
“Too much cream, crunchiest cookie”
“Creamy”
“Most buttery. Cream: least interesting”
“Sweet”
“Slightly more fake”
“Still not as much flavor as Sainsbury. Like thicker cookie.”
“Way too sweet. Tastes cheap. I hate it.”
“Too much cream”
“Can actually taste creme!”
“About the same as Waitrose, maybe more cream”
“Very creamy, lots of vanilla, “smooth-ish” biscuit”
“The creamiest, and sweetest.”
“Stronger flavor than the other two overall, but I don’t like it as much as others”
“The definition of Meh. Still really good, though. Would try again.”
“Like the Waitrose in every way. Except not as fluffy; more crumbly sadly.”

Sainsbury Bourbon Cream
“I like the crunch”
“Dark chocolate!”
“Bad QI on cream distribution”
“Least flavor”
“Rich, dark chocolate”
“Nice chocolatey cookie, nice texture. Rich thick cream (gets soft in mouth). Not too sweet.”
“Fell apart, mild”
“Moderate flavor, okay oreo-like biscuit”
“Mild cocoa flavor, great texture – crumbliness and creaminess felt just right.”
“Most chocolatey tasting iscuit, a bit dry + sticky with molars”
“Very good! A bit dry, but good cream!”
“A bit dry but nice chocolatey flavor.”

Tesco Bourbon Cream
“The best – crunch + small cream”
“Sweet”
“Cookie crunch better”
“Prune-y, dry”
“Decent cream, a bit grainy but dry. Not chocolatey & not very flavorful cookie”
“Quite dry & bland”
“Milder??
“Dry biscuit, ok flavor, hints of graham cracker”
“Indistinguishable from Sainsbury”
“More subtle biscuit + sweeter cream than Sainsbury”
“Yum! A very good biscuit that pleases me very much! (Yum yum yum!)”
“Very dry and noticably weaker flavour.”

Marks & Spencer Bourbon Cream
“Too much cream again”
“Flavorless”
“Cookie flavor better”
“Strongly cocoa-flavored, softest cream”
“Sweet”
“Better cookie texture but not very flavorful, okay cream”
“Decent body, good texture, what is it expected to taste like?”
“Cream is softer”
“Can actually taste cream!”
“Can taste the cream”
“Also very creamy – choc squeezed out, chocolate biscuit has good flavor, but not especially sweet”
“Unpleasant aftertaste, otherwise quite like the other two”
“Fluffier cream than other two, but otherwise less flavor?”
“So good at first, but pleasant taste in my mouth after swallowing.”
“Much lighter and airier, with a linger aftertaste.”

Tesco Malted Milk
“Pretty plain, almost tastes like a saltine”
“Inoffensive”
“Nice flavor”
“Lighter”
“Would pair better with a hot drink, but slightly weaker on its own”
“Oooo I like this flavor way better than custard creams! Delicately sweet, melts in your mouth”
“Not my favorite, but not bad. Kind of bland, in my opinion. Still, delicious. Wish it was sweeter.”
“Interesting, mysterious flavor. What is it besides tasty and light?”
“I like that there are 2 cows”

Marks & Spencer Malted Milk
“A little more flavor”
“Much more of a malted milk flavor”
“Stronger flavor + more interesting”
“Salty”
“Stronger, delightful flavor! Give me some hot coffee and a sleeve of these and I’m a happy man. (Loses .5 for a bit of lack of sweetness.)”
“At first a bit blander, but a nuttier finish. It’s okay, likely better dipped/dunked in tea.”
“Not my favorite, but not bad. Kind of bland. Indistinguishable from the first. Wish it was sweeter.”
“Missing that great flavour. Mostly just tastes like flax seeds and spoiled milk.”

Tesco Tea
“Has a modicum of flavour”
“Tastes like a shadow of tea on the cave wall.”
“Not much flavor but pleasant”
“Even more boring”
“Inoffensive”
“A little less flavorful”

Waitrose Tea
“Smooth, a little tannin flavor”
“Basically water”
“A bit weaksauce”
“Quite nice. As good as I can imagine a black tea being.”
“More bitter:flavor ratio”
“Boring but in a comforting way – like tea at a dim sum restaurant”
“Way better than the others”

Marks & Spencer Tea
“Inoffensive”
“Floral, would be nice sweetened”
“A bit bitter but good strong falvor”
“Tastes like paper. How did this happen. It’s insulting. The bitterness from being hot makes it worse.”
“Weaksauce”