Alan: Isn’t human poop not a fertilizer?
Mars: No. Only animals that eat a vegetarian diet.
Kayleigh: Vegetarian poop though, and vegan poop.
Tim: That sounds like it’s a poop substitute.
Alan: Ohio has an… eye?
Tim: Yeah. It’s the third letter
(Making fun of how Survive the Internet gives you over 70 seconds to select between two photo prompts)
Alan: Quick! You only have 70 seconds left to choose your photo!
Greg: Oh no. I’ll look up the top 50 results for each of these on Google Image search and see which has better comedic potential
Greg: Julia Child makes asparagus
Alan: Literally? Like she’s pooping them out?
Greg: No! Julia Child *cooks* asparagus
Alan: Okay, because that would be a very different kind of show
Greg: She is not a vegetable garden
Greg: Well, she might be now, because she is dead
(Mars is talking about taking their dogs to the vet)
Mars: We were afraid they were going to cut off their cheerios
Alan: Wait what?
Mars: Since Tristan loves cheerios, there are cheerios all over the floor…
Alan: Ohhh, literal cheerios
Tim: I thought that was going to be a euphemism
(Talking about trick or treaters)
Alan: We ran out of candy the first year and had to give out individual oreos
Tim: This is why you keep the soy sauce and duck sauce packets from Chinese
(Talking about weird things at weddings)
Mark: You have to go find the cake
Alan: What about slices of cake? If you want cake you have to go find a slice
Sharon: It’s like an Easter Egg hunt but with way more possibility of ants afterward
Sharon: I don’t understand how cats work.
Ben: Insert food, receive poop.
Alan: Isn’t that how most living things work?
Shawn: I spaced out for a moment and missed something.
Ian: The purpose of your life is to produce poop.
(Talking about how film companies often devolve into bad sequels)
Alan: Inside Out was pretty good though. Or so I hear.
Greg: But that wasn’t a sequel.
Alan: Right. So Pixar can still make good original stuff.
Greg: But the other half is stuff like “Tugboats 4: Return of Eeeeeeeee-youuuuuuuu”
Alan (joining in): eeeeeeee
Ian (joining in): eeeeeeeee
Greg: We sound like bagpipes.
Ian: Keithpipes are when you take out Keith’s stomach and turn it into a musical instrument.
Keith: No. Don’t do this.