Work

Quote

Greg: I don’t have to work for the next nine days
Austin: I don’t have to work for the next nine days either
Greg: Wait. Where are you going?
Austin: I mean, I don’t *have* to work for the next nine days

Images

Quote

(Making fun of how Survive the Internet gives you over 70 seconds to select between two photo prompts)
Alan: Quick! You only have 70 seconds left to choose your photo!
Greg: Oh no. I’ll look up the top 50 results for each of these on Google Image search and see which has better comedic potential

Julia Child

Quote

Greg: Julia Child makes asparagus
Alan: Literally? Like she’s pooping them out?
Greg: No! Julia Child *cooks* asparagus
Alan: Okay, because that would be a very different kind of show
Greg: She is not a vegetable garden
Greg: Well, she might be now, because she is dead

Babies

Quote

Kayleigh: So it turns out quokkas don’t throw their babies at their enemies
Everyone: What are quokkas?
Kayleigh: An Australian marsupial
Greg: I think the only entity I know who throws their kids at enemies is Donald Trump

Boaty Boats

Quote

(Talking about how film companies often devolve into bad sequels)
Alan: Inside Out was pretty good though. Or so I hear.
Greg: But that wasn’t a sequel.
Alan: Right. So Pixar can still make good original stuff.
Greg: But the other half is stuff like “Tugboats 4: Return of Eeeeeeeee-youuuuuuuu”

Keithpipes

Quote

Greg: Keeeeeeeeeeee
Alan (joining in): eeeeeeee
Ian (joining in): eeeeeeeee
All: eeeeeeeeth
Greg: We sound like bagpipes.
Ian: Keithpipes!
Ian: Keithpipes are when you take out Keith’s stomach and turn it into a musical instrument.
Keith: No. Don’t do this.