(Michael is firing Patrick as Assistant EIC because he was just elected Publisher)
Michael: You’re fired.
Patrick: It doesn’t work that way. You have to tell the personnel manager.
Michael: I’m delegating to you to tell Sarah that you’re fired.
Isaac: I don’t even have to try anymore. I say something and you guys assume it’s mean to somebody.
Alan: Emily, do you want to find another photo for this?
Emily: Can I take my bladder out first?
Alan: Is “a cappella” two words?
Greg: Two words, two p’s, two ‘ls, two words, two things.
Katie: This issue is like the awkward friend that you don’t know very well who comes over and stays way too long.
Patrick: Evan can be my dark apprentice.
Patrick (to Evan): Can you be evil?
Alan: Katie, you know Illustrator, right?
Evan: Say no!
Katie: Uh… no? Why?
Alan: Michael wants a map.
Michael: Actually, Greg wants a map
Katie: Of what?
Michael: Of campus.
Katie: Doing what?
Katie: Can I publish that survey that we talked about and that got stuck in email hell?
Michael: Probably.
Celia: *high-fives Stacey’s idle hand*
Stacey: What happened?
Patrick: I think she thought you were trying to high-five her.
Stacey: Yeah, we can say that’s what was happening.
Emily: Patrick is over there.
Christa: Patrick! Come up with some innuendo.
Patrick: Innuendo?
Christa: Come up with a sexy headline. Like, really sexy.
Emily: Titties everywhere. Sploosh!
Christa: Double sploosh.
Emily: Triple sploosh.
Christa: Quadruple… sploosh?
Patrick: Okay. There’s only three of you over there splooshing.