Sharon: That’s what the mic stand is for-so you don’t have to hold the mic.
Trisha: Ian, want to sing?
Ian: I can hold the mic…
Mic stand
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Tag Archives: IanL
Travel
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(From Delancey Restaurant, right next to Sharon’s apartment complex)
Mark: Should we take the Muni to Sharon’s?
Alan: No, let’s take the BART to SFO and fly to Oakland and take the BART to Embarcadero and Muni here.
Mark: No, take the BART to San Francisco airport and the bus back up.
Ian: You can rent a car and drive into the water.
Three stupid chicks
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Ian: This is Stupid Minority Chick Flick Number Three. In the future, there will be three stupid chicks and, together, they can predict the future.
Later…
Ian: You should direct Stupid Minority Chick Flick Number Three. It’ll become a classic like Bruce Lee’s Big Book of Hurt, Volume Two.
Teletubby
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Alan: Did Tim throw his phone at you?
Ian: No, it’s some sort of plastic thing. It looks like part of a teletubby. Oh, were you a teletubby? Is this part of your costume? Alan, do you want to be a teletubby in the future?
Chinese food
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Ian (“reading” a Chinese food ad): So did you eat chinese food today? Because you might not realize there’s a bomb in your stomach! And the only way to stop it from exploding is to continue filling your stomach with our delicious Chinese food!
Baby seals
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Ian: What if they build giant baby seal cubes. And start killing people?
Alan: Hmm…
Ian: And they could travel back in time and prevent us from making contact with aliens. Which would explain why we haven’t made contact with aliens. Curse you baby seals!
Earrings
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(Talking about ripping earrings out)
Sharon: It’s why you don’t wear dangly earrings when playing sports.
Alan: I’m never getting my ears pierced.
Ian: I’m never playing sports.
Intestines
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Ian: Yeeeah, now it looks like I’ve got intestines coming out of the ground.
Ian: Yay intestines.
Tim: I mean, I guess I’m glad I have intestines, but that’s still a weird sentiment.
Horns
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Ian: Goats have horns, so naturally goatees have horns too.
Hot
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Alan: it’s too hot to sleep 🙁
Ian: Take off your clothes and curl up in the fridge.
Ian: Get a hose and soak your mattress.
Ian: Sleep on an electric fan instead of a pillow..
Ian: Get into the washing machine and turn it on. (Make sure it’s not set to warm.)
Ian: Close your eyes and imagine a penguin.
Ian: It’s the middle of summer and a penguin is walking through the desert.
Alan: hm
Ian: The light of the sun causes smoke to come out of the penguin as it burns.
Ian: Oh no, the penguin fell into a pool of lava!
Ian: Suddenly, the air force firebombs the desert! The penguin is turning into vapor!
Ian: Are you feeling better?
Alan: yes
Alan: vapor penguins are very cooling
Ian: The penguin opens its eyes. Could it be, it has somehow survived? No! It’s in Hell! Aaaaa!