Keith: And like ninjas, pirates and leprechauns are mortal enemies! It’s like 1984 where the enemy changes every day. Pirates were always at war with the ninjas! Pirates were always mortal enemies of leprechauns! The conspiracy is, of course, that the pirates, ninjas, and leprechauns are staging an invasion of Earth from Mars.
Keith: USB Hub! USB Hub!
Alan: You bought two USB hubs?
Keith: No, that’s my special attack. It does 20 damage to all Alans in the area. Of course, using it means you need to spend a turn plugging and praying.
Keith: It smells like blueberry muffins in here.
Alan: That’s odd… we don’t have blueberries or muffins in here.
Keith: It’s probably the strawberry preserves.
Alan: But strawberries don’t smell like blueberries…
Keith: They do in Keithland!
Alan: Tim forgot there was Kiltie today.
Keith: He forgot? I’ve been waiting Kiltie for the past three months. OMG need Kiltie! Well, not so much need Kiltie as need band, and Kiltie happens to be the only band there is. Ever. Kind of.
Keith: So the nectarine I had wasn’t too good.
Alan: Yeah, it wasn’t very sweet. We could get different fruit next time.
Keith: Yeah, more advantage is good.
Keith: Alright. I’m off to see the lizard.
Alan: …of Oz?
Keith: Whatever. Aren’t lizards cool though? I think lizards are cool.
Alan: I didn’t know that you aren’t supposed to split infinitives… like, “…to boldly go where no one has gone before,” is bad.
Keith: Yeah, to fragrantly split an infinitive is a bad thing.
Keith (singing): Less than three… (pauses) blaah…
Keith: Less than three kills dead kittens.
Keith: I apologize for spontaneously turning into Ian.
Keith: Keith Bare – Sparkly when wet.
Keith: Hmm… someday I should wear sparkly pants. So I can be sparkly.