Alan: Babies! Big babies! Well, I guess they’re actually not big.
Mark: By definition they’re small.
Alan: Depends what you’re comparing them to.
Mark: I was comparing them to things bigger than babies.
Alan: I was comparing them to plankton.
Mark: I don’t know, I’ve seen some pretty big plankton.
(Talking about ripping earrings out)
Sharon: It’s why you don’t wear dangly earrings when playing sports.
Alan: I’m never getting my ears pierced.
Ian: I’m never playing sports.
Ian: Goats have horns, so naturally goatees have horns too.
Ally: Oh that’s the fluffy cushion for the pushin’.
Ian: I hope in the future everyone’s fat and has suits that can fly.
Mark: We’re halfway there.
Ally: Choices are hard.
Alan: Let’s go shopping.
Mark: That doesn’t help with choices. That just gives you more choices.
Mark: These are too expensive.
Alan: That’s what she said.
Mark: I don’t know what that means.
Trisha: It means you’re a prostitute. And your rates are too high.
Charles: Are you sure we’ll get drunk?
Alan: With bottomless mimosas?
Ian: It depends… do you get drunk on infinite alcohol?
Ian: Oh, you can take medical tests by texting ‘TESTS’? Follow these instructions: Pee into your phone.
(Talking about the evolution of Sharon’s bar)
Zeke: Does that mean it stopped growing? I’m afraid to ask
Alan: That’s what she said