*Patrick licks finger and jabs it at Amanda*
Amanda: Ewwww! Pat, that’s unsanitary!
Patrick: No, if I stuck my finger up my ass, THAT would be unsanitary.
Amanda: Yes. Spit is fine compared to that.
Vicki: Isn’t that kinda hard, Pat?
Patrick: No! How would I wipe myself after I take a shit if it was hard?
Vicki: That explains a lot…
Patrick: What? I don’t go walking around with a crusty ass, do I?
Amanda: What’s the deal with Mountain Dew, anyway? Did I miss the joke or something?
David: Yellow 5, Amanda
Patrick: It shrinks your weiner.
Patrick: …well, not yours, other people’s.
Amanda: Wow, you can blow, David?
David: Yeah
Patrick: David’s good at blowing.
Amanda: The BALLOON! Sorry!
Patrick: C’mon, blow harder. I know you can.
Vicki: First hand experience, Pat?
Patrick: No comment.
Later…
Amanda: How does he bl… put air in balloons?
Vicki: You can say “blow,” Amanda.
Patrick (looking at Guiness Records Book): It’s an anglerfish. The male attaches to the female and then his face grows into her body and then he lives off of her like a parasite. That is, after they have sex.
Vicki: Pleasant.
Patrick: Watch out Vicki, one of these days you two will be having sex and he’ll latch on to you and not let go and you’ll be walking around with this…. thing… hanging off of you. Then you’ll be Vickidavid.
Amanda: What? I missed everything…
Patrick: I was just saying how one of these days David and Vicki will be getting it on and he’ll latch onto her and never let go. And then they’ll be having sex forever.
Amanda: Oh.
Alan: Jennie’s necklace is like an arrow.
Alan: It points to her boobs.
Patrick: As if anyone would have trouble finding them…
David: Oh, THAT’S where they are.
Patrick: Zeke just got butt-raped over here.
Zarah: What? Who?
Patrick: Everyone. It was fun!
Zeke: I was butt-raped by Jon Black, John Ruppel, Katherine, and Ms. Pullen.
Patrick: I got pictures!
Patrick: Suck on the end of it!
Jennie: Eeewwwwwww!
Patrick: The pen! The long pointy thing! Suck on the long pointy thing!
Patrick: Duncan, do you have any spare gonorrhea?
Patrick: I need to borrow some but I don’t want to do all the work.
David: Actually, I never touch my dog before school.
Patrick: So when DO you touch it?
Gihan: David touches his dog!
Gihan: It would have been better if it was ‘David touches his monkey.’ That can be taken so many different ways.
Alan: Eewwwwwww
Vicki: So, DOES David touch his monkey?
Gihan: I wouldn’t know! I’m his best friend, but that’s a line I don’t cross.
Vicki: As opposed to playing monopoly in towels?
Submitted by Patrick