Ian: The Sesame Street juice boxes are a lie. They don’t contain the juices listed on the front.
Mars: Like Elmo?
Ian: Yeah. The Elmo one doesn’t contain Elmo juice.
Juice
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Category Archives: Quotes
Subtitles
Quote
Ian: I wish this was subtitled but I guess this is live…
Mars: Actually, let me show you this.
Mars: Every week, we have to subtitle ourselves.
Ian: Do you have to subtitle what you’re actually saying?
Poo Groom
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Alan: lol
Alan: i dont know what a bachelor’s party involves anyway
Zeke: I guess I did one for a friend in Arizona
Zeke: We just stayed up all night in the desert though
Zeke: And ate the groom
Alan: um
Alan: wat
Zeke: The bride couldn’t marry him until we pooped him out again
Zeke: That’s legal in Arizona though because it was a man poo
Alan: -_-
Alan: if the bride ate him would it still be a man poo?
Alan: does the gender follow the consumee or the consumer?
Zeke: Well, you are what you eat
Zeke: So I think she becomes male
Zeke: And then she can’t gay marry her man poo groom
Beauty Dan
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(Playing Imaginiff where Dan was a beauty product)
Ian: If you went to a store and saw a bottle labeled Dan, what would it be?
Dan: You need it… you want it… le Dan. Available now at Macy’s.
Puppy America
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(Playing XYZ… the “America” and “Puppy” cards are out)
Ian: When America is in danger, but in a way that can only be fixed by a puppy… puppy America to the rescue!
Object
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Tim: I object!
Ian: You’re an object!
Tim: …I don’t like being objectified.
3D
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Alan: And there’s the 3D Grilled Cheese Steakburger.
Greg: Of course it’s 3D. What kind of advertisement is that? Unless they steamroll it before they serve it to you…
Twinkies
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(Talking about runs on Twinkies)
Madelyn: Emily banned Twinkies in the office.
Emily: They’re still banned!
Madelyn: Maybe Josh won’t ban them when he’s EIC.
Josh: I don’t think I can ban something that doesn’t exist anymore. No triceratops allowed!
Batsignal
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Greg: Do we have to look up how to typeset the bat signal?
Womb
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Madelyn: I only get four years of waved tuition.
Michael: “Only”?! I want four years of waved tuition.
Emily: You should have come out of a professor’s womb, Michael.
Alan: Isn’t Madelyn’s dad the professor?
Emily: You should have come out of a womb that married a professor.