Celia: And you said Alex was always sad and depressed.
Michael: Except when he gets toys.
Alex: I’m like a kid in a candy store right now.
Candy
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Author Archives: Alan V
Instructions
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Celia: I should probably read the instructions for this. I don’t even know how to open it right now.
Drive
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(Alex has just received the new network drive he ordered)
Alex: It’s so beautiful. I just want to lick it, but that would do something bad.
Michael: Alex, does your girlfriend know about this?
Alex: No, but she will soon.
Chivalry
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Anna: Do you like Valentine’s Day?
Katie: Yes, because I believe in chivalry.
Alan: Wait, did you say you have been chivalry?
Katie: I’ve only been chivalry once.
$999
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Alex: Apparently, if you spend more than $1000 at once, you have to go through all sorts of special procedures
Alan: So you spent $999?
Alex: Exactly.
Orbit
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*Alan walks around Greg*
Greg: Why am I being orbited?
Alan: I am a moon!
Greg: You might be the sun, according to one in five Americans… according to the board ed art.
Nick: Wait… one of five Americans?
Nikunja: What five Americans do *you* know that orbit the earth?
Headline
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Katie: Can we make that our headline? “Steelers lose, people just stand around, don’t really do anything,”
Cupcakes
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Greg: Impress your friends with cupcakes!
Katie: Or just replace everything with water. It’ll be the same.
Lovely
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Michael: You…
Celia: I’m lovely.
Michael: Yes, because that’s exactly what’s going through my mind right now.
Lump
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Katie: Everything’s finally going through the intranet in one giant lump. It’s like a baby passing through the urine canal.