Emily: It’s like someone took a sledgehammer to a vagina and sprinkled some blue mold all over it.
Patrick: That sounds like a good headline. ‘Sledgehammer to a vagina’
Christa: I have the perfect one. ‘My dick is like an airplane’
(Christa has a fake headline “I want to ‘Hook up’ please take my virginity right now!!!”)
Patrick: Uh… we want him to stay on staff.
Celia: We’re also not using three exclamation points.
Emily: I love how that’s the problem you have.
Patrick: How does copy feel about the word ‘sexploitations’?
Patrick: I’m having a meeting in Celia’s office.
Michael: Isn’t Celia in Celia’s office?
Celia (from the photo computer): Yes, Celia is in Celia’s office right now.
Anna: …to get the feature in copy editing…
Evan: Feature on copy editing?
Madelyn: We’re gonna be stars!
Christa: Are we allowed to say “Damn” in the paper?
Evan: Just add a ‘y’. “Day-mn”
Anna: I need drugs! All of the drugs!
Alan: ‘Salted drugs’?
Anna: I said ‘All of the drugs!’ I don’t know what salt would do…
Celia: Michael gave me a dollar. I’m a stripper now.
Michael: Yeah, you know strippers are known for their love of turtlenecks.
Celia: I KNEW voodoo was going to happen in this office.
Anna: Celia, you can’t slit Michael’s throat. …unless he really deserves it.