Emily: Michael, just don’t circle things!
Michael: It means it’s wrong.
Circle
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Author Archives: Alan V
Photo
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Stacey: Maybe we should try to lighten this photo some.
Michael: What?! No. Everything should be black. Like my soul.
Nertz
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Greg: Stay and play Nertz.
Daniel: I have to go do work.
Greg: Work is ephemeral. Nertz is forever.
Emily: That’s diamonds.
Greg: Diamonds is a subset of the things in Nertz. So it still works.
Pancake
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Emily: I love pancakes. And I love Patrick. I just want to eat a pancake off of your face. It’s what I dream about.
Patrick: It’s what I dream about too. I just call them nightmares.
Farm
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Emily: Farmer Dan! Have you ever milked a cow?
Dan: No. I saw a cow being born once though. That’s my only farm experience.
Marcellas Shale
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Katie: For the first month, I was like, “Who is Marcellas Shale and why does he own all this land?” People were protesting drilling, and I was imagining this coal baron going like, “hahahaha!”
Christa and Emily
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Children
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Christa: They’re not children, they’re just far away! What do you want? Do you want me to put beards on them?
Existence
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Emily: Nicole, for horoscopes… is it supposed to be “cursing their existence”?
Nicole: Yeah?
Emily: Right now it’s “curing their existence”.
How Things Work
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Emily: The next “How Things Work” should be on survival. Drinking your own urine and eating flowers and shit.
Daniel: Okay.
Katie: The bus takes too long to arrive. Go into survival mode and drink your own piss.