Nicole: You can read the horoscopes to the bear.
Emily: The bear doesn’t like to be distracted while I’m making love to it.
Nicole: If it’s distracted, you’re not doing it right.
Bear
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Author Archives: Alan V
Bladder
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Emily: The bladder is never ending.
Nicole: Stand there too long and you’ll have puddles.
Dubstep
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Allison: Hey, what’s Tartan style for “dubstep”?
Greg: Lowercase, one word.
Evan: And “post-dubstep” has a hyphen.
Disband
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Evan: Yeah, of Montreal. “of” is lowercase.
Greg: Can we disband that group as well?
Tweeple
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Evan: I’m going to add “Twitter users” after this.
Madelyn: Tweets. Twitterers.
Allison: Tweeple!
Evan: It’s like Bronies. If I have to use bronies in another article, I’m going to go over there and disband the club myself.
Parents
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Christa: Has anyone tried jelly on top of cream cheese?
Daniel: My dad does that. He’s a happy guy.
Allison: I really want to meet your parents. Not in a creepy way.
Board ed
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(Josh hands Allison a board ed about Foxconn)
Allison: Thank yo… oh. Oh, oh.
(She reads it)
Allison: I don’t care about people being mistreated. What are human rights?
Cards
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Daniel: That would be so badass if they had valentine cards with Rebecca Black.
Qdoba
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Celia: Okay, everyone. Qdoba is coming at 3 today.
Greg: What?!
Evan: What?!
Emily: We’re having brunch!
Pillbox
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Allison: I feel like Pillbox writers are always afraid to write negative reviews.
Evan: I will.
Allison: Yeah, but if you friends are in it, you don’t want to write like, “So and so did a bad job.” That’s why I don’t have friends. So I can write negative reviews.