Random

Quote

Ian: How great would it be if my calculator in high school could generate random numbers? Like you’re in the SAT and there’s four options… do you roll your pencil or something? That kind of sucks.

Keithpipes

Quote

Greg: Keeeeeeeeeeee
Alan (joining in): eeeeeeee
Ian (joining in): eeeeeeeee
All: eeeeeeeeth
Greg: We sound like bagpipes.
Ian: Keithpipes!
Ian: Keithpipes are when you take out Keith’s stomach and turn it into a musical instrument.
Keith: No. Don’t do this.

Cucumbers

Quote

Ian: We should make a startup for jumping onto your face. Think of all the things that could clamp on to your head.
Al-Tim: True. Like…
Ian: Koalas.
Al-Tim: Cucumbers.

(Talking about a startup that shoves cucumbers up people’s noses)
Ian: I’d invest my own money in that.
Al-Tim: How much?
Ian: Five bucks.
Al-Tim: Is that five bucks per cucumber?
Ian: Yes
Al-Tim: Or per nose? No, you already agreed to cucumber. So I’m just going to find one very desperate person. We’ll put it on the internet. People will be able to choose which organic, local farm they get the cucumber to shove up that person’s nose.