Alan: Mars, are you getting married yet?
Mars: Puppy first
Al-Tim: What you need is an illegitimate puppy so you have to hide it and hurry up and get married.
Ian: What’s this?
Al-Tim: It’s kind of hush hush. If people knew they had a puppy it could ruin them.
Alan: should i get flash point?
Ian: You should set real fires.
Ian: You should set your hair on fire. And people can fund it online.
Ian: Your hair is on fire: the board game. It comes with a board and pieces. They don’t do anything but you won’t notice that because your hair is on fire.
Ian: It will have a snappy tagline. The tagline is “OH NO MY HAIR”.
Ian: I wrote a detailed backstory for the boardgame. The game takes place in a magical fantasy kingdom. Everyone in the kingdom was happy until one day there was a witch. The witch said “Now Alan’s hair is on fire.”. The king said “Who’s Alan?”. The end.
Zeke: you worked pretty well on that level builder yesterday
Zeke: and then on my mom last night
Alan: i see
Zeke: I can’t decide which code you more hastily banged out last night
Zeke: the PHP or the DNA
Alan: well, given how much your mom has sex, it took an awful long time to get her finished
Alan: so i think the PHP was faster
Zeke: sadly, both of those formats are really good at encouraging stupidity to multiply
Greg: It’s okay. Bears always land on their feet.
Alan: I… don’t think that’s true?
Greg: It would be true if they were cats!
Alan (to Daniel): You should never cut your hair again until it trails on the ground behind you.
Allison: Oh man, I wish you were a hippy. Then we could smoke weed and lay out our pages together.
Alan: I broke Ally…
Rob: That isn’t hard. She has no unit tests.
Ally: I have more unit tests than native mobile.
Alan V: we need more duplicate people
Alan V: we have two dans and two tims
Alan V: we need another keith and another greg
TimMierz: Or just change Keith’s name to Greg. That kills two Keiths with one Greg.
Alan V: i like the way you think
TimMierz: I like the way Keith Gregs.
TimMierz: I guess for this we’re considering Alan to be a Ian?
Alan V: well, duh
TimMierz: Just making sure
Alan: Babies are beef.
Josh: Wouldn’t they be veal?
Madelyn: I don’t think our babies are fat enough to be veal. We need 50s babies where we fed them Karo syrup for 6 months.
Evan: If the prefix ends in the same letter as the word, it has a hyphen. Like pre-existing.
Alan: That makes sense.
Evan: Sometimes the English language makes sense. It’s an anomaly, but sometimes.
(Alan pats Jennifer on the head)
Jennifer: Yes, I’m tiny.
Alan: I just want to pick you up and carry you off somewhere.
Jennifer: People always tell me: Be careful! You’re grab-and-go size!