Keith: It’s been a long time since I’ve had an exam.
Dan: A train leaves Chicago at 50 miles per hour. How fast would it have to go to red-shift my pants?
(Playing loaded questions)
Marina: I thought we were answering movies, not making up bizarre sequels. I picked one of the movies out.
Dan: So did I. All of them.
Alan: So who’s organizing dinner?
Mars: We’re playing Scrabble, so you are.
Greg: And I want to go to the gym.
Mars: And we want to go see Frozen. Get to it.
Ian: Yeah. Start filming Frozen!
Ian: The Sesame Street juice boxes are a lie. They don’t contain the juices listed on the front.
Mars: Like Elmo?
Ian: Yeah. The Elmo one doesn’t contain Elmo juice.
Ian: I wish this was subtitled but I guess this is live…
Mars: Actually, let me show you this.
Mars: Every week, we have to subtitle ourselves.
Ian: Do you have to subtitle what you’re actually saying?
Alan: i dont know what a bachelor’s party involves anyway
Zeke: I guess I did one for a friend in Arizona
Zeke: We just stayed up all night in the desert though
Zeke: And ate the groom
Zeke: The bride couldn’t marry him until we pooped him out again
Zeke: That’s legal in Arizona though because it was a man poo
Alan: if the bride ate him would it still be a man poo?
Alan: does the gender follow the consumee or the consumer?
Zeke: Well, you are what you eat
Zeke: So I think she becomes male
Zeke: And then she can’t gay marry her man poo groom
(Playing Imaginiff where Dan was a beauty product)
Ian: If you went to a store and saw a bottle labeled Dan, what would it be?
Dan: You need it… you want it… le Dan. Available now at Macy’s.
(Playing XYZ… the “America” and “Puppy” cards are out)
Ian: When America is in danger, but in a way that can only be fixed by a puppy… puppy America to the rescue!
Tim: I object!
Ian: You’re an object!
Tim: …I don’t like being objectified.
Alan: And there’s the 3D Grilled Cheese Steakburger.
Greg: Of course it’s 3D. What kind of advertisement is that? Unless they steamroll it before they serve it to you…